The 'Old School Mexican' Way

Not having been married yet, and a good Mexican daughter, I do not have any children of my own but I am blessed to be raising my younger brother's daughter. Believe me when I tell you that I not always considered myself 'blessed' to be a single aunt. The word I used starts with an 'F'.

I became a single aunt 5 years ago when my brother's career path led him to become a tenant at a Federal Pen and his only child's mother the user of 'none too legal' substances. I picked her up off the streets 3 days before Christmas. I had no experience in raising children, and she had no experience in having a normal childhood. As far as I could tell, we were both (insert F word in the past tense here)!

I soon realized I had inherited a kid who had been raised by 'wolves'. I know that sounds mean, but she would actually growl at me when she couldn't find the words to express her frustrations. When we ate she would hunch over her food with a protective arm around her plate. She didn't know how to properly take a shower and I don't think she owned her own toothbrush in months. I didn't know whether to hug her or to pet her.

However, by the grace of God, one day I knew what I had to do. First I had to wipe away the tears (mine, not hers..... she never cried), and decided to go 'Old School Mexican' on her. This is what I told her:

"I will not feel sorry for you. You have crappy parents and right now a messed up life, but you also have an aunt, a grandmother and grandfather who love and believe in you. "

"Don't try to out-bitch me because it won't work. I have been a bitch much longer than you have and I will win every time."

"You can choose to be plumbing and allow other people's shit to go through you or you can decide to know how much you are worth and live your life as such." (I actually got his one from an episode of CSI...I worked with what I knew)

"I am not one of your school friends, you will speak to me with respect. The things I do for you are not for you to 'like' me, but to teach you to be an educated woman with a clear moral compass."

When she asked if I could buy her a belt and a t-shirt with skull and cross bones my replay was "Sure, when I start sending you to school in Hell.". Parents - remember that you do have a say in how your kids dress!!

Once in church, the pastor was talking about a runaway girl who was brought back home by police officers, at that moment I leaned in to my niece's ear and whispered "If you ever run away make sure to take all your stuff and run far and fast because if the police find you and bring you back to me....you are dead!". She said "Tia (which means 'aunt' in Spanish), we are in church." I said "Yes I know, just so you know I mean what I say."

Her second day as a high school freshman she ditched her 2nd period class. She hid this from me by deleting the message left by the school, however, she didn't take into consideration that we had a cheap answering machine and it actually brought the deleted message back (I took the opportunity to teach her about karma and how it can come back and bite her in the ass). When I heard the message she got 1 week of no TV or Music (which at her age was like air and water), then I marched her into her principals office on Monday morning to rat her out so they could impose their punishment on her as well. The lesson of action and re-action.

I can go on and on with these types of stories, but the bottom line is that she knows I love her (to death if necessary) and she knows I am her rock until she knows how to become her own rock. She knows I am there for every basketball game, I cried with pride when she received her Athletic and Scholar Letter, I celebrate her Honor Role status, I follow-up with teachers on her grades, I take her to the library to help with her English comprehension skills, I learned how to cook for her (for this alone I should be allowed into heaven), I love her and she knows that with every one of my words and actions.

She is currently a Senior in High School and she has already been accepted to both Fresno State and Cal State Northridge in Mechanical Engineering.

The 'Old School Mexican' as far as I am concerned is about tough love, and the earning of trust, love and respect by modeling a life filled with morality and character. It is about learning the hard way, if learning the hard way is what you need. It's about love and the sacrifices a parent makes to make sure the life of their children is better than their own.

She still thinks I am a little crazy, and she never knows when I might go a little 'Hannibal Lecter' on her (this keeps her on her toes), but that's okay, because I know she loves me (at least that's what the heart necklace she gave me last Christmas says).