The Saturday I became a stalker at Target

One of my favorite things to do on a Saturday morning (besides not having to wake up at 5 am), is heading out to Target to stock up on supplies (Yeah, I know...I lead a boring life if this is a highlight!). I usually walk into the store, peruse the specials on the wall and then grab a coffee (One time a little old man saw me prepare my coffee then proceeded to tell me I had put too much creamer in it. I turned around and told him he had not put ENOUGH creamer in his (all this done with a sweet smile on my face, of course)...I may not be ‘old’, but I can do ‘crotchety’).

This past Saturday I did a Target run, but things didn’t go as planned.

First, I grabbed a Venti drip at Starbucks (instead of waiting to buy my coffee at Target), so by the time I got to the store, I had to go pee. So, I walked straight to the restroom....and that’s when I saw him. He was perfect. The weird part about my story is that I can’t describe him as a whole because I don’t remember what he looked like. I just remember parts of him – his butt was perfect, his arms were tan and masculine. I liked the way his big watch fit on his wrist, his khakis were nice and ironed and his t-shirt skimmed his muscles just right. I guess you could call it more of an animalistic awareness that drew my eyes to him, but bottom line...I thought he was SO sexy. He was older, but very well made and he looked like he smelled of vanilla and exotic spices (He might have been part vampire...what else could explain my instant ‘like’ of this man).

However, my need to pee outweighed my need to follow him and tell him I loved him.

So, I finished my business, grabbed a cart and started my usual round. As I was heading toward the toilette paper isle (obviously this story has a ‘bathroom’ theme to it) I saw him coming towards me. As he passed I made a u-turn and started following him (CAN YOU BELIEVE IT...WHAT THE HECK WAS I THINKING!). He didn’t seem to notice me at first, but I was like a red SUV following a (insert the name of a sleek foreign car here)....eventually he turned around and looked at me. I smiled and pretended to be engrossed in figuring out what wine to select. (Thank God I was not in the cookie isle...I would have looked a lot less sophisticated). I didn’t have the courage to keep in pursuit since I had been ‘made’, but it took all my will power not to continue following him. (Since I didn’t have much will power left after using it all up that morning in NOT buying the raspberry pound cake to go with my Venti drip at Starbucks, I relied on old fashion Catholic shame)

How old am I? (Don’t answer that!). I was obviously having a brain hemorrhage which was the only explanation I could come up with for a grown and educated woman like myself to follow a man around a store just because he's ‘pretty’!! REALLY!!

I think I might need a case worker.